Colten Foster passed away on June 18th, 2018. Hundreds of family and friends packed the First Baptist Church of Basehor on June 22nd, 2018 to provide support to one another and to celebrate his life. Below you can find a recording of the celebration and speeches written by Hunter Foster (Colten’s oldest brother) and Gina Foster (Colten’s mother).
Last time I remember using one of these was during the first grade musical when I sang my solo in the dreidel song.
I want to start off by thanking Howie and the church for hosting us tonight, Robyn and Casey Self-- without them we wouldn’t be able to make it through this, and all the friends and family that have checkin in on us or sent food. So much food.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since Monday... I’ve been thinking about which one of us is the good looking brother now. And I’ve been thinking about how Colten wouldn’t want any of this. He wouldn’t want us to cry- we’ve all done enough of that. He wouldn’t want us to be sad or depressed. And he sure as hell wouldn’t want a funeral - we’re here to celebrate his life tonight.
So I wanted to share some memories with you. 2 years ago Dominic, Colten, my dad and I took a road trip to South Dakota. One day Colten and I decided to hike to the top of Harney peak. During the 4 mile hike to the top we talked, laughed, and just enjoyed each others company. When we reached top we had a beer together and facetimed my mom. She was not happy with me about the beer. For the first time I saw Colten as a young man instead of my kid brother.
Then the temperature dropped 20 degrees and it started pouring. I nearly died trying to keep up with Colten springing down that mountain. The rest of the trip was ruined because I could hardly walk - but I didn’t tell him that.
A lot of you here probably remember Colten for being shy - His close friends probably have no clue what I’m talking about. I’ll never forget the time Colten rode with my fiance Megan and I to visit my grandpa in Nevada, Missouri. At that time Megan and I had been together close to three years and Colten had barely said a word to her. Megan and I decided to count how many words we could get out of Colten during that 2 hour drive. He was mostly quiet at the beginning of the ride - but then he got hungry. We were shocked when Colten asked us to stop by Taco Bell. Once he had some food in him he was talkative for the rest of the ride.
Then there was the time that Colten got a mountain bike for Christmas. Dominic, Colten and I used to love riding together. He made me so nervous as an older brother. The kid had absolutely no regard for safety. I was so afraid that he was going to get hurt...And then he did. I just remember coming around a corner and seeing Colten rolling on the ground on one side of the trail, and his bike hanging in a tree on the other side. To this day I have no idea how it happened.
I was so proud of the young man that Colten was shaping into. Nothing made me happier than when people pointed out ways that he took after me. At the same time, nothing made me more worried. Colten I love you so much. You will always be my baby brother.
Before I hand you over to Robyn I just want to say one last thing. Some of you may already know this, but I’m a registered nurse. On the night of Colten’s death I was at work. On that particular night we had 3 patients admitted for suicidal ideation or suicide attempts. As the charge nurse I had to round on these patients rooms to check in and make sure that there wasn’t anything in the room that they could use to harm themselves. While making my rounds I never once considered that I could be affected by suicide myself.
The truth is that it can happen to any family. Suicide is so prevalent, yet we still aren’t having the conversations we need to be having about it. So I urge you all all to ask your loved ones how they’re doing. Let them know that you care - don’t just assume that they know.
And if you’re hurting please reach out. Reach out to someone, be it a friend, family member, or someone from school, just reach out. Help is available.
Colten,
I can’t imagine our life without you. I never could have imagined that this would happen. This isn’t how it should be. Your child should not die before you. Especially not like this. It breaks my heart to know that you were hurting but hiding it behind a smile. That you were in a place that you did not see any other option to ease your pain.
My heart aches to find out this way that my baby was hurting and I didn’t know; that I couldn’t fix it. There is a huge void inside of me knowing that I will never hear your voice, hug you or see your smile.
There are so many questions that keep running through my mind -
What could I have done differently? Where did I go wrong? What kind of mom am I that I could not see that my son must have been hurting? Has all of the media attention about suicides made the very idea of suicide sound like a a solution?
No matter what Colten I cannot come up with the answer. I have to learn to accept that I may never know. In my rational mind I know that is must have been a culmination of things that led you to believe that there was no hope.
At first I was angry. How could you do this to us? But then I realized you wouldn’t have wanted this. We know you loved your family and your friends and could not have realized in your darkest moment how this would hurt everyone.
You did not plan this. You made plans with your friends for the next day. You went shopping on Fathers Day with your dad and pointed out what he could get you for Christmas.
This was one moment in time. This was not who you were. It was one moment, a second in time that you can’t turn back from. You were not a selfish person. You did not like to be the center of attention.
Colten I love you and I want you to know that I do not blame you. No one is to blame, not even you. This does not define you. You are such a wonderful son. We are so proud of you. We will miss you forever and will never forget you. It is amazing to see how many lives you have touched. Our family, your friends and casual acquaintances have shown amazing support.
The road before us will be rocky but we will get through it together. I know you would not have wanted it any other way. For now I am trying to take comfort that you are free from your pain. You have no worries or pain.
As I used to sing to you when you were a little boy and you would giggle -
“Colten’s the baby, gots to love him, he’s the baby boy”
Love,
Mom & Dad